This Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.